Family

I have never been away from my family for this long. Tomorrow it will be five weeks since I moved to Texas. Yesterday I was thinking "wouldn't it be great if I could get a huge hug from my mom and a huge bear hug from my dad? and a big furry hug from Aspen?". I was also thinking about my second niece being due a week from today. I love her so much already, even though I do not know her name and she is not born yet. I think the next time I see any of my family I have a face full of tears because I will be so happy to see them. I knew living away from home would be hard but tried not to let it get to me because I also knew God had an amazing plan for me.

Today I am still waiting for the plan to unfold and wishing I could visit my family while I wait. This leads me to wonder how in the world non-Christians survive. With all of the s**** I have been through and seen others go through and now being this far away from home, I know I could not have made it this far without my Heavenly Father. Who do non-Christians turn to during the s****y times and when they are lonely? Just another empty person who feels the same way?

Wow, this post is getting deep, but stick with me here. I have been thinking about this for a little while and might as well share it. For those of you who know me well you know I have dealt with a lot of crap in my life. It is always one thing after the other and the past year or so has been the hardest. Here is the cool thing: I have grown more in my faith and knowledge of God the most in the past year. God has blessed me through some really s****y times when I was struggling to hold on. I have learned from those times and from the mistakes I made (that God allowed me to make). You see, the thing is, I experienced that crap and made those mistakes so those around me can learn from what I went through and did and do not have to experience it first hand.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Am I mature? No. I am always a work in progress. But I have learned that I cannot be so trusting of people and not let people get too close until I really know who they are. I have also learned that there in one who I can trust in any situation (again how do non-Christians survive?).

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path's straight." Proverbs 3:5, 6

I think God has been preparing me to work in a non-Christian environment where I will need to be Jesus to my coworkers. He is teaching me more about being Him to other people in non-obvious ways. I can be outspoken and like to tell it as it is and after all I have been through lately it is easy for me to praise God and share him with others. But I need to remember that others are watching me closely, for that difference in me, and do not want to hear how I am glad I experienced the s****y times. Don't get me wrong, I did not enjoy those times when they were happening and did not always see the blessing I received during them but looking back I CAN see God working through all of it.

Have you seen God working in your life lately? Even during the crap you wish you did not have to deal with? You may not be ready to be happy about it now and you may be yelling at God to make it stop. That's okay, (as I learned at Harvest) just turn to the Psalms. Open your Bible and start reading.

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry (even though at the time it may not seem like he is listening, he is!) the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth (do not dwell on those who hurt you, forgive them and work on getting over the hurt, it is a process). The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them (again, he DOES hear us); he delivers them from all their troubles (His timing is never the same as my timing). The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit (he will not let you suffer forever, just for a time)." Psalm 34: 15-18

Please feel free to share with me what God has been laying upon your heart.


disclaimer: I do not like rereading posts after I let the words flow so I am sorry if all the words in my head do not end up on the post, I tend to skip words in sentences when I type or write them out:)

Euchre

My phone rang today with a MI number I did not recognize but I picked it up because someone was calling from "home". It was a friend from church who I had not spoken with since maybe November or December. She explained that her and her husband where looking for another person to play Euchre tonight and that they had not seen me in awhile. I laughed as I told her I was in Texas and that I was actually living here now. We had a good chat catching up and promised to talk again soon.

The truth, I would LOVE to play Euchre tonight, more than anything. 1)I love Euchre 2) last night I had planned on hanging out with 20-30 something people from church after our twice monthly worship meeting but was not able to 3) I still only have one friend in Texas who is my age (actually 3yrs younger).

So, about last night. I had been looking forward to Axis for three weeks (since the last time we met) and was excited to make more friends there and meet new people. Well, God's plan is never the same as mine and I get reminded of that all the time. I met one girl before the worship/message portion and then when it ended we were told we needed to not hang around like usual but just go to the restaurant. Every time after Axis meets they go to the same Tex Mex restaurant.

How no one but me ended up there I am not quite sure. I helped move a couch back upstairs (funny how they bring the comfy furniture down just for our meeting;) and then saw people putting chairs back out. I quickly went the bathroom and when I got out no one was around. I hurried to the parking lot and saw everyone heading to their cars (it is a big parking lot and has several different areas to park). So I hopped in my car and started to drive, then realized I needed a refresher on the directions. I called my one and only friend, found out she had a date that night, and got directions. I ended up a couple minutes behind everyone because I had to turn around and wait for traffic etc. At the restaurant no one was there, I walked all through the inside, looked around the parking lot, and waited a little bit. NO ONE. I was SO bummed. I still do not know what happened but the only thing that got me through the rest of the night was a talk with my mom on the phone while I tried not to cry and a borrowed funny DVD from my aunt and uncle.

Yes, I will admit I am lonely. If I had 18 hrs until the Euchre game started I may just have decided to go. No, not really, it would not be practical. So here I am hoping I can find people at church tomorrow after I volunteer as a sub in the nursery again.

I have always known how much friends mean to me and it has been reinforced over and over ever since I began having goodbye lunches and dinners with friends before I left. Thank you all for your wonderful friendships and know that I think of you all often. In fact when a friend asked what I missed most about MI I said friends. I do miss my parents but I do get to talk with them frequently on the phone and get frequent e-mails which helps.

Totally on a different subject: I love the pastor bible studies on Wednesday nights. We have been going verse by verse through Psalm 23:1-6. This was the first chapter of the Bible that I ever memorized verses from, my mom suggested it and I will never forget. Now after each Wednesday night study I understand each verse on a deeper level. God speaks to me through Pastor Bill every time. God is awesome!

Concerning my job interview: It went well. I think it may be a couple of days before I hearing anything back. There are several other people interested in the position both within the company and outside from what I understand. And I am still not sure if God is leading me back to working at a child care center or not but I have been most excited about applying for this job than any others. I applied for an Assistant Director position, even though I was trying to stay away from working in a child care center again. It is a long story as to why but centers are definitely run differently in TX than in MI.

Love and miss you all!

First Interview

This Thursday, the 19th, I have my first interview since losing my job at the beginning of November. I do not want to go into detal right now but please pray that I will allow for God's will to be done. I am really interested in the position but just do not know if it is where God wants me to be right now.

On a lighter note, Aylah now says "love you". So precious!

Update

I do not have much to share. Not much has happened. The only big thing that has changed is the construction project going on downstairs. The master bathroom was pretty much complete so they moved on to the fireplace and kitchen and my allergies/sinuses have gone haywire. I have been not feeling the greatest for the past couple of days and sleeping more than usual. Then this morning when it was time to get up for Sunday School and church, which I was excited to go to, I realized I felt miserable and would not be going. I am trying to figure out a way to get a steroid allergy shot and not have to pay a couple hundred dollars for it. Pretty much, I am out of luck until the construction is finished. The main floor is still all concrete so things are not looking too positive there.

(I have been taking a lot of the Perrigo drugs for allergy/sinus problems--Thanks Kim!!!)

My job search continues with really no leads but plenty of filled-out applications and sent resumes. The pastor's bible study on Wednesday was about not letting ourselves be discouraged. I took it to heart and am trying to keep a more positive attitude. It can be hard though when I get daily lectures from my aunt and uncle on where I should apply and what job I should do.

I am looking forward to my second niece being born soon, Andrea is due March 6. It will be an eye opener for Princess Aylah but I know she will be an excellent help to her mommy and daddy. Although I will not be able to see the little angel in person I know I will get to see many pictures and hear all about her.

There is another 20-30 something gathering at church Friday night and I am really excited to go. (Can you tell? Today is only Sunday and I'm already talking about it:) Please pray that I will make more friends there.

On Sunday nights I have been going to a six week class that people who have recently started going to the church attend, it is to let us know how the church feels about connecting, growing, serving etc. I have only been able to attend twice so far but am getting a lot out of it. Monday nights I go to a great group called Celebrate Recovery. This group is helping learn more how to deal with a past relationship and the times when I feel a little depressed and anxious about being in another state practically all by myself trying to find a job in a bad economy. That is how I met my one friend from church and a lot of other great women.

I hope you are all enjoying the snow for me:) I am wishing y'all were here to go on walks with me because I wear Capri walking pants and a t-shirt when I go:)

A Dream

Yes, an actual dream that I think I had several times last night because God wanted to make sure I got it. I did not remember right away this morning when I woke-up but I did eventually, randomly. Isaiah 51, but what was the verse??? I grabbed my Bible and started reading. The last part of verse 3 really hit me. I never know how sections of verses are actually identified but since it was the last half I would consider it 3b. The light came on, that was it. Isaiah 51:b was what was in my dream. More specifically, God was giving me Isaiah 51:3b.

Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

This brings a huge smile to my face! God was telling me that someday, hopefully soon, I will once again have joy and gladness written all over my face and I will be praising him in thanksgiving. I know God will bless me here in Texas, in his timing. What a great promise from God, he wanted to encourage me not to give up.

Also, here are a couple pictures of my church. The first picture is of the entrance to the worship center. Off to the left are the soccer fields, baseball diamonds etc. for the academy that is on the other side of the building with the child care center. A lot of churches have their own private academies (schools).

The picture with the cars in it (I took the pictures from my car window:) is the part of the building to the right of the picture above. It contains classrooms on the second floor and the church offices, church bookstore, etc. on the first floor. I did not take a picture of the academy and child care center which go back toward the back parking lot. Like I said, it is a much bigger church than I ever thought I would attend. And one thing that cracks me up and I also did not get a picture of is the big Harvest church sign that has a screen below it that has the time, weather, events the church has, advertisements for Adult Bible Fellowship, pastor's bible study etc. It makes me think of the screen on the MAST Heating and Cooling sign in Zeeland.

So, now you are up to date on my prophet dream and my church:) The website for my church is theharvestchurch.org just in case anyone is interested.

I have decided I do not need to sign my name at the end of every post:)

Limbo

No, I have not been doing the limbo I just feel like I am in limbo. The space between wanting to find a job and being sick of searching but knowing I have to keep at it and having that job and also a lot more motivation because I am not sitting in front of the computer in my bedroom filling out the same information over and over again.

I have an interview at Manpower on Monday but do not think it is a good thing that they have been consolidating their two local offices this week. There are several other staffing agencies that I have applied at and contacted and hope to hear from on Monday because otherwise I will be calling them again. I will not bore you with all the places I have applied but trust me, there have been a lot.

The hardest thing from keeping me motivated is not being able to hangout in any other part of the house during the day because 1) I need to be at my computer 2) the construction continues along with more dust and yucky allergies. I have found it difficult to interact with my aunt because she is always asking me what I am doing, where I am going, and lecturing me on job searching and which job I should take/apply for.

I have one friend from church but she is very busy. I have met other people from the 20-30 something group. They meet every 1st and 3rd Friday (but not tonight) to worship, hear a short message, and then go out for dinner. I hope to get to know more of those people better soon. They have a certain place where they sit in church so now I will always have someone to sit with, yea!

We have Adult Bible Fellowship before church each Sunday. Evidently the same two teachers teach a children's class all year long! They just opened a new baby room and got two volunteers even before I contacted them but I will be the back-up for nursery through two-year-olds. I will cherish those times:) Otherwise the 20-30 somethings have a group during that time and there are many others. I may check out a different one next Sunday just to see.

I hope to get a picture or two of my church to post on here. If you go to their website there are no pictures of it so I told my dad I would take some. I never thought I would feel comfortable at a large church but I LOVE Harvest. Besides meeting new people every time I go there during the week I love their ministries.

I am missing all of you and wish you could come visit. I do not miss Michigan yet, mainly because I know how cold and full of snow it is. In the summer will be a whole 'nother deal--I will miss the beach terribly.

About a week ago I tried talking to Aspen (my parents' golden retriever who I bonded with the day we took her home) on the phone but she was already on her doggy bed and only perked her ears up a little bit as if to say "you really want to talk to me now? don't you know my eyes have already rolled back in my head and are not registering?". Which by the way, I hate the time difference! With me being behind I am always calling people at bad times, sorry Mom! I think it would be better if Michigan was behind Texas, oh well.

Time for me to go, no wait, time for me to stay right here in my chair and do some more job searching. Next week I plan to go visit some places.

Love and miss you all, God Bless!
Marie

The Neighborhood

Fort Worth is an interesting town for several reasons. First of all, the speed limit is either 35, 40, or if you are lucky 45. Secondly, all the houses have wooden fences surrounding their back yards. So when I drive down the street I either see stores upon stores or wooden fencing. Some of the fencing is nicer than others but all fences are whole. What I mean is, if a slat in a fence breaks the owner is most likely to just replace it with another slat, even if it is not of the same wood. This is because in order to replace a fence in Fort Worth you have to get a permit.

This does not make sense to me. We all get to enjoy the sight of nasty fences as we cruise down the road at 40mph only because it takes too long for the owner of the fence to get a permit. Now, I would understand the nasty fences if the speed limit was more like 50 or 55 because then people would be passing the fences so fast they would not have time to see what condition they are in.

Honestly though, there is a lot of traffic around Fort Worth and so you do not want to go any faster than the posted speed limit. People turn without using their directionals, slow down at the last minute, and sometimes there are two left turn lanes out of the blue. Once again I have to bring up the "fire lanes". They are not only in front of every curb, they are also in front of every parking spot. In other words, do not back part-way out of your spot and just sit there because you would be in the fire lane.

I was driving down one of the roads yesterday wondering what the speed limit was when suddenly I saw a speed limit sign. It just so happened to be in someone's back yard propped up against their metal swing set. Evidently someone had driven through the fence after knocking over the speed limit sign. I am guessing the owners are hoping for a reprieve on fixing their fence since the speed limit sign is still be properly displayed:)

On this particular drive I had run several errands, one being grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. The funny thing is I was less than 10min from home and passed another Wal-Mart on my way home. Why do they need so many duplicate stores? Because the stores are always busy with people. You see, the yards are small and houses built close together so we can cram in the Texans, like the state isn't big enough already. You wait, within a month I will be all about Texas pride.

Texans are quite a different breed when it comes to "bad weather". There was a low turnout at a church activity Monday night because it was really raining outside and ice was forcasted for the morning. Well the ice did come Tuesday and Wednesday. True, it was a nice thick layer on everything but the Texans still freak out over it. I was warned by many people at church NOT to drive when the roads are icy because of all the idiots on the roads. (like guys who drive big pick-up trucks and up on the news b/c they crashed after "only moving into the other lane". duh! you were driving way too fast!)

Let me get this straight, some people are so scared of the ice they stay home all day, other people think they are invincible and can handle flying down an icy street, and I'm stuck at home laughing because I don't dare get hit by an idiot even though I know how to drive on ice. Yeah, I think I'm starting to fit right in around here.

I feel like all I've blogged about is traffic but that is the biggest change for me. Ever since I got my license I lived in Idlewood, at the lake. Going down Lakewood Blvd. is busy but I would usually be the only car left by the time I got to 168th. There just wasn't traffic on Lakeshore Dr. unless it was summer and a good beach day at Tunnel Park.

I'll try and have some more fun experiences before I most my next blog;)